so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Randomize