I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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