i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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