get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
