I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
