Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
