I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
