That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
