her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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