i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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