I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
