I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
