I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
