I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
