Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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