I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's blow job season.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
