Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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