tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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