Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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