You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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