I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
