There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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