You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
