i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
