ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
40s are totally the cure
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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