I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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