I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
