If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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