when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
