and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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