take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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