his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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