Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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