Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
