just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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