he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize