As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
