I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
