Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
