i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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