My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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