one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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