I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
