like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
