That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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