Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize