I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
