I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
