nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize