4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
