She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
