I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
