Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
