I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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