Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
