the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize