it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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