As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
