It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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