I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
