Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
