she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
