I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
