is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
