there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
