I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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