OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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