Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The power of my boobs compel you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
