apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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